Title: Ze Von I Love III:  The Envoy

Author: Darth Nonie
E-Mail: nonie@avalon.net

Summary:  M/K slash fluff snippet. Part of the Warren Zevon 
series, anywhere after "Werewolves of London."

===========================
The Envoy

"Alex!"

"What?"

"This--this picture! From your wallet!"

"What the hell are you doing in my wallet? Investigative 
FBI stuff?"

"No, Alex, you left it in your pocket. In the laundry. And 
I was trying to find out what I could salvage from the 
waterlogged remains."

"Right. Okay, Mulder, guilty as charged."

"No shit. Guilty of THIS, though? Jesus!"

"Look, Mulder, I didn't--"

"Like hell you didn't."

"She didn't mean anything to me, Mulder. I told you, 
I don't like maneaters. Not even nordic blondes."

"Yeah, sure. So you've got her nude picture in your 
wallet because..."

"Blackmail. In case I ever need diplomatic help."

"Riiiiiiight. Help with what, Alex, your hard-on? If I'd 
have known you were laying the Ice Princess, I'd have used 
condoms. Or maybe Polarfleece. Jesus."

"Mulder, why are you so upset? You know I love you; you 
know I've had to do some pretty scummy things in the 
line of duty."

"That's pretty scummy, all right. Marita Do-the-Dirty-to-Me, 
or howeverthehell she pronounces it."

"Mulder, you're-- My God, you're jealous. That's so sweet."

"I am NOT jealous! Why would I be jealous? She's off somewhere 
in a walk-in freezer for vacation, probably playing with a 
popsicle, and I'm right here with you. Doing this. And this, 
and this..."

"Then--uh!--why are you so--ummmm!--upset?"

"If you were fucking her, and now you're fucking me--"

"Being fucked *by* you, Mulder, or hadn't you--ah!--
noticed?

"If you've fucked us both, maybe I don't like your taste 
in lovers. I mean, Jesus, me and the Icicle. What does that 
say about me?"

"I'll tell you--oh!--oh!--what *I'll* say about you if--
Oh God!--you don't shut up about that bitch and start moving 
faster RIGHT NOW!"

"Quit yelling, Alex, or I'm gonna impound your diplomatic pouch."

"Okay, okay! Just--unh!--let's get on with this--ah!--
investigative probe, shall we?

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